


Inscrutable

by LouLa



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Dirty Talk, M/M, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-26
Updated: 2011-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-08 20:50:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouLa/pseuds/LouLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward's roommate thought he knew him pretty well, but Jasper brings out a side of him that no one would have expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inscrutable

**Author's Note:**

> This was my anonymous entry for the Dirty Talking Jasper contest. I'm incredibly honored that it won the public vote!
> 
> Thank you to my lovely betas, Conversed and Strae.

If you asked me to describe my roommate in one word, I would probably skip all the needless searching for the perfect way to sum him up and just say 'nerdy'. There's more to him than that, and I know it, but he really is a nerd. He studies all the damn time and looks like he would probably break in half if he played a contact sport. He's never traded his dorky glasses in for contacts and he could use some help in the dressing himself department. He's quiet and reserved, he never parties; I think he's read every book ever published. Edward is a nerd.

I, on the other hand, am his opposite. I would stereotype myself the exact same way and call myself a jock. Of course that isn't all there is to me, but I like sports, I like cheerleaders, I hate books. I am a jock, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

The best part about being his roommate, though, is that we get along so well. He accepts me, even if he doesn't understand me, and I think that despite his overall nerdiness, he is pretty awesome. He teases me about my inability to sit still long enough to read or study, and I give him shit about his oversized head―really, for a nerd, his ego is enormous, but I guess being as smart as he is might give one an ego boost.

To be completely honest, I'm kind of jealous of how he can assert himself with big words. If I need to intimidate someone, I flex my muscles. Edward flexes his brain. If I were into dudes, I would find it kind of sexy. But I'm not, so mostly it's just irritating.

Girls are another subject we disagree on completely. I like them a lot. Edward doesn't like them at all. I'm open-minded enough to accept it, but I don't get it even a little bit. I asked him once why he didn't like chicks―his reply was to ask me why I do. When I said 'boobs' like it was all the explanation he'd need, he made a face like the thought disgusted him.

I've come to terms with the fact that we will never really understand each other, there is simply no point in trying. We can be friends, we can be roommates, we can even be each other's crying shoulder in times of need, but we definitely cannot understand how the other thinks, feels, or acts.

We really have nothing in common apart from our address.

Nothing.

I am on our couch, half-asleep and thinking about boobs when he stumbles in. I think it's him that stumbles in anyway. I'm too lethargic and hung-over to bother checking.

A fight with the girlfriend, too much beer, not enough sex or enough sleep, a headache, and I-can't-move-right-now-without-throwing-up nausea equals I don't give a fuck.

It would take far too much energy to greet him. He would probably just laugh at me and do everything in his power to punish me anyway. It's best that he doesn't even know I'm here.

Well, that's what I was thinking until I hear him whimper, then moan, and quickly realize that he is most definitely not alone.

"Jasper. Bedroom," he gasps.

Following that is a dark chuckle and the sound of the kitchen table skidding across the floor.

Part of my mind screams 'Oh God! _No_!' while shaking its head frantically and plugging its ears but the more distinct, dominant part of my brain cackles and rubs its hands together, thinking that payback is a bitch.

I've met Jasper before, he's been to the house a few times. Edward's 'study dates' have literally just taken on a whole new meaning. This is prime blackmail material.

I'm actually a little surprised, though, to be honest. Jasper just doesn't seem like the type of dude Edward would date. Where Edward is nerdy and 'help me, I can't dress myself,' Jasper is dimples and muscles and cool. I honestly thought they were studying all this time.

My boy has a sex life. I'm so proud. Or I would be, if it didn't take so much energy to look past the fact that they are doing _something_ on or near our kitchen table, right fucking now..

"Jasper― _Oh_ _,_ _God_ ―Jasper. I'm―" he's saying.

I try not to snicker. He _is_ _not_ jizzing already. I almost want to peek over the back of the couch, but I could do without the vision of whatever they are doing burned into my retinas.

"Serious," Edward finally manages to pant.

"I can see that," Jasper replies. My eyebrows shoot up on my forehead at the sound of his voice. He sounds half-amused and half-drop dead sexy.

"Roommate," Edward groans.

I'm nodding vigorously, though they obviously― _obviously_ ―can't see me. But for heaven's sake, think of the roommate. The hung-over, hurting roommate who doesn't really want to hear you have sex but can't resist the chance to blackmail.

The sound of fabric tearing fills the room, followed by what I swear is a growl. I think a button bounces off the back of the couch.

"Really, Edward? Your roommate? _That_ _'_ _s_ what you're thinking about."

 _Please_ _say_ _no_ _._ _If_ _you_ _value_ _my_ _sanity_ _,_ _just_ _say_ _no_ _._

"No. But he... Oh, fuck. Jasper, _please_."

He chuckles again. "That's what I thought. What were you saying about your roommate now, baby?"

The table squeals as it again slides across the floor. Edward moans, his hands slap as they hit the surface of the table.

I am never eating off of that table again.

"Noth― Nothing," Edward stutters. "But he could be―fuck, _fuck_ ―home."

"Is he ever home on the weekends, Edward?"

"N― _more_ ―no."

"Are you hard, baby?"

At this point, I'm realizing what a stupid idea this was. My brain has joined forces and is shaking its head vehemently, trying to unhear what has already been heard. I close my eyes tight and think of boobs. Maybe I can sleep through this.

"Are you, baby? Are you hard for me?"

"Yes."

How does he not know? I've unfortunately seen Edward naked. That nerd's dick matches his brain. If he's hard, I'm sure it would be obvious. Unless...

"Can you feel how hard I am? Can you _feel_ how hard your perfect little ass makes me?"

Oh dear God.

"Yes. Yes, Jasper, _please_! I need..."

"What do you need? Tell me what you need."

"More. Just more. Anything. _Please_."

For the love of all that is holy. He is practically sobbing. How can Jasper handle this? He needs to just put the poor guy out of his misery already.

"That's not very specific, Edward," Jasper says calmly. Edward whimpers. "Unbutton your pants, push them down. I know you're not wearing any underwear, you dirty, naughty boy."

No. Just no. Edward always has at least two layers over his skinny ass. Nerds do not go commando.

"Such a beautiful ass, Edward. You know what makes it even more beautiful?"

"No. Tell me," Edward begs.

"I'll tell you, baby. Then I'll show you. How's that sound?"

"Yes. Yes, Jasper. Please."

"It's so beautiful just like this, but when it's all red and hot, with my cock deep inside, that's when it's perfect."

"Yes. Please."

I now officially know far too much about my roommate. The fact that he bottoms doesn't surprise me, but I didn't need to know. I didn't. And I didn't need to know that he begs for a dick up his ass either. That information belongs in the category of 'things I wish I didn't know'. I think my mind has officially went on strike.

"Did you touch yourself last night, Edward?"

Fuck my life.

"Yes."

"Did you think about me?"

"Yes."

"Mm. Did it feel good?"

"Yes."

"Did you finger yourself too?"

Oh, no. No. No. No. Could we not? Can the boy just have a few secrets when this is all said and done?

"Yes."

"You naughty boy. Did that feel good too?"

"Yes. So good. Please, Jasper, I just... I need to. Please."

"Shh. Not yet. Just feel, baby. Did you imagine my cock inside of you?"

"Yes."

"You got your toy out too, didn't you, dirty boy? Did you fuck yourself with your toy and think about me? Think about what I was going to do to you today?"

"Yes."

"Did you scream for me?"

"Yes."

"Mmm. Now I can't decide, baby. You did everything I wanted you to do, and I'm sure you did it so well, too. You were a good boy, but... only bad boys fuck themselves until they scream their boyfriend's name. So, are you a good boy, Edward, or are you a bad boy?"

What the fuck kind of sick fucked up game is this? Dirty talk for toddlers? If he was a bad boy, does he have to sit in the corner, and if he was a good boy, does he get his dick sucked? Who the hell would say they were bad?

"I was a bad boy, Jasper. I'm a bad boy."

Well then...

"I thought so. Just think if your roommate would have been here, Edward. He would have heard you screaming for me to make you come, to fuck you harder. What would he have thought?"

You have no idea.

"Jas―"

The sound of flesh meeting flesh and Edward's loud cry nearly startle me off the couch. Rage boils up quickly. I'm fully prepared to kick the living shit out of this fucking asshole, even in my severely fucked up, inebriated state. Who the fuck does he think he is smacking Edward?

Then Edward moans. He fucking moans, and begs, "Harder."

I am totally confused.

"You filthy boy."

Another slap.

Another cry.

Another moan.

And another. And another. And another.

Jesus Christ on a fucking cracker. My roommate―my dorky, quiet, shy roommate―gets off on being spanked by his boyfriend.

This is... not even... I cannot. Does. Not. Compute. My mind is overloaded. I might be permanently paralyzed from hip to thigh because of this. What have I done?

"Please, Jasper, I need to. Please let me. Please."

"You can touch yourself, but don't you dare come yet. Five more. Count them. Count them loud, and if you come before the fifth one, it'll be another five and the only place you'll get my dick is in your pretty mouth."

Edward whimpers before begging―fucking _begging_ _!_ ―him, "Yes. Please."

I will never look at either of them the same way.

"One!" Edward screams as Jasper's hand connects with his skin again.

"Two! Fuck. Fuck! I can't. Jasper, please."

"You heard me, Edward."

"Th― three!"

"Four! Fuck!"

"Five! Jasper."

He's literally sobbing by the time the last blow is delivered. I'm frightened. Should I intervene? He sounds like he's in pain.

"There you go, baby. Feel it. Make yourself come for me."

Between Edward's loud as hell moans―the neighbors can probably fucking hear him, for fuck's sake―I can hear him jizzing all over the fucking place, and I really hope it's on the floor and not on the table. It doesn't really matter either way, I'm never stepping foot into the kitchen area again after this.

Edward barely has a moment to rest before Jasper is ordering him onto his back. Edward's pained hiss turns into a moan. I can hear the sound of wet lapping, slurping, and sucking.

"Tastes so fucking good, baby. What do you think?"

Edward moans into his kiss, obviously getting off on this too. I shouldn't be surprised. This has been an awakening event. My nerdy roommate is apparently a kinky bastard.

"Are you sore?" The level of concern obvious in Jasper's voice surprises me. I'm so fucking confused by this.

"A little."

"Is it bad? Are you alright?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm great, Jas. Please, fuck me."

I'm mindfucked. This is just not even remotely possible. This cannot be Edward. It is some unknown perverted man that sounds like my roommate, and coincidentally has the same name too. Perhaps while I wasn't looking, I was transported into some bizarre alternate universe―or slipped some really good hallucinogens. Where am I, and why am I here?

"You want me to fuck you, baby? Right here on the kitchen table? What are going to think about when you sit down here for breakfast tomorrow morning? Are you going to think about how I bent you over it and spanked your ass until you came all over the floor? Are you going to think about how I fucked you so deep and hard that you came again? Are you going to get hard thinking about me and go into your room to get off because I make you so hot you can barely stand it?"

Edward moans in answer and I hear Jasper start to shuffle out of his clothes.

I'm not even sure if it's the hangover making me nauseous anymore, or the situation itself. The preamble, the spanking, and the sex talk were all terrible enough―horrifying. I really don't want to literally hear Edward take it up the ass, but I don't know what choice I have. They have yet to notice me with the way the couch is placed with its back to the kitchen. I don't think any of us would be able to handle the embarrassment. At least if I suffer through this 'til the end―granted I don't get discovered at some point―I can pretend this never happened and write it off as a crazy, 'I was drunk' dream. This is not something I ever want to have to think, let alone speak, about.

"Baby, you're so tight."

Oh, fuck. Here it goes.

"Do you like that, Edward? Is it just like you do it when you're thinking about me? Do you slide one finger in real slow, feeling how tight and hot it is? Do you push the second one in just as slowly, stretching yourself and thinking about how much bigger my cock is? Do you reach and bend your fingers to find the spot that makes you―"

"Oh, fuck."

"Do that."

"Right there."

There's a spot that makes you do that?

"Look at you, baby, arching your back and hard for me again already. You really want my cock in you, don't you? Look how hard you make me, Edward. Look what you do to me. I need to be inside of you. I need to fuck you. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

They moan simultaneously as, I assume, Jasper pushes into Edward―I really never thought that the words 'pushes into Edward' would enter my mind. The only way this could get worse is if Jasper started to use the words 'length' and 'velvety heat' in his dirty talking. Scratch that. I could live with horrible euphemisms, but I'm positive I would die if they caught me here. The only logical explanation would be that I was perving out on their sexual encounter in the kitchen. I don't want to have to explain that this was a terrible mistake that had something to do with trying to have ammunition for blackmail.

This is just utterly fucking awkward, and really, more than anything, concretes the fact that I am not at all attracted to or turned on by dudes or gay sex. Edward's moaning and Jasper panting do absolutely nothing for me at all. The spanking scared the living shit out of me. The slapping sound of their skin colliding over and over would be mildly arousing if it weren't for the fact that I knew they were both dudes. The table is apparently up against the wall now because I can hear it rhythmically hitting the wall with their thrusts. And Christ, Edward is fucking loud. He can't always be this loud, I would have heard him at some point if he was―and surely the neighbors would be filing a complaint if this happened often. Right?

I really hope this doesn't happen often. And I really, _really_ hope this doesn't happen on other surfaces of the house. I mean, the _fucking_ _kitchen_ _table_ , are you kidding me? People eat off of it! Does that mean they've done it on the counter too? Against the hallway walls? In the shower? _On_ _the_ _couch_ _I_ _'_ _m_ _sitting_ _on_! For fuck's sake, there needs to be a new house rule implemented. No sex outside of your bedroom. Ever. At all.

"Fuck, yes, Edward, so close. Wrap your legs around me, baby. Do you want it harder? Does that feel good? Are you going to come?"

"Yes. Fuck yes, Jas!"

I don't know how in the fuck Jasper manages to fuck that poor boy any harder. He's going to fucking break him. Edward is too small to take a fucking pounding like that. He needs to stop. And Edward needs to be quiet. Someone who is normally so quiet should not be able to make that much noise. It's inhuman. And loud. It can't feel that good. I mean really, he has to be on the verge of snapping in half, it can't feel good at all.

"So. Fucking. Good. Jasper, I'm―"

I do not understand. There is just no way he is jizzing again from being slammed like that. No way. I would be crying hysterically right now if someone spanked me then fucked me that hard. I am three times Edward's size, and I would have either kicked Jasper's ass or died of pain by now. How does Edward walk after this?

It makes no sense to me why Edward is clearly getting off―loudly... again!―and Jasper is still fucking him relentlessly. Jasper must bust his nut too, because the fucking finally― _finally_ ―stops.

They are quiet except someone's―probably Edward's, it seems he's a moaner―soft moans and the sound of their exhausted panting. And then kissing, lots and lots of loud kissing, and giggling.

Who giggles after a fucking that probably permanently damaged a kitchen table, a wall, and let's not forget my mental health?

I desperately feel the need to escape this apartment, find my girlfriend, and make sweet, tender love to her repeatedly. Both to prove my raging heterosexuality and the fact that love still exists in this world.

I never knew two boys could be so mean to each other.

"I love you, so much."

Whoa.

"I love you too, baby. I love you too."

Boggled.


End file.
